When Fan Girls Attack!
by Cardea Starfyre
Summary: LOTR/FR Crossover: (Humor) The Companions of the Hall and the Fellowship of the Ring learn the value of friendship as they try to escape from every bishonen’s bane, Rabid Fan girls!
1. Default Chapter

When (Rabid) Fan Girls Attack!: 

LOTR/FR Crossover: (Humor) The Companions of the Hall and the Fellowship of the Ring learn the value of friendship as they try to escape from every bishonen's bane, Rabid Fan girls! 

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters contained herein. I am not Tolkein nor am I Salvatore. I am on the other hand a rabid fan girl, and I can't help but harass everyone's favorite fantasy bishonen. (By all means, you may entertain delusions of yourself running amuck and glomping your favorite, but I want to be in control of this psycho army. ^_^)

Scene: Some generic forest in the Realms, it really doesn't matter exactly where but for a reference point let's just say it lies in the Silver Marches. 

Cast: Drizzt, Guenhwyvar, Bruenor, Cattie-Brie, Regis, Wulfgar, Legolas, Aragorn, Frodo, Sam, Merry, Pippin, and Gimli. (And others)

Drizzt reclined in the shade of the large tree. Although it was nearly midday, the trees of the forest filtered the light so that it was not harsh on the drow's sensitive eyes. A slight wind stirred in the trees and Drizzt absentmindedly brushed back an errant lock of white hair with his hand. A large shadow, darker than the drow stirred in the trees above him. Cattie-Brie reclined on Drizzt's shoulder as she slept; her auburn locks cascading down his chest. Wulfgar, Bruenor, and Regis were finishing their midday meal down near the small stream that cut through woods. Wulfgar smiled as Bruenor complained that the halfling ate too much of their provisions. 

It had been a long time since the Company of the Hall had gone out together; with the apparent loss of Wulfgar, to his release, and finally having found himself again, the companions had not shared a peaceful adventure. (Well, as peaceful as is normally possible.) They were in one of the many woods that lay in the Silver Marches, performing scouting duty for Lady Alustriel of Silverymoon. They had stopped at this beautiful spot to rest and then continue their mission. Suddenly, the normal sounds of the forest stopped. The birds and insects fell silent, and Guenhwyvar growled as a strange noise interrupted the otherwise peaceful scene. Drizzt and Cattie-Brie were quickly up, weapons drawn and ready. 

Feminine screams rent the air, along with the sound of the underbrush being trampled. "What in the Nine Hells is that?" asked Regis as he pulled out his tiny mace. 

"I don't know," replied Wulfgar as he readied Aegis-fang, "But it sounds like trouble."

 "Or I'm a bearded gnome!" finished the Eighth (er, Tenth) King of Mithril Hall. The Company of the Hall was on their feet in seconds and they sped off in the direction of the uproar. 

Up and over the slight rise they traveled, and stopped mouths wide in awe, when they saw the cause of the commotion. Eight men ran for their lives in front of a large mass of screaming women. 

"Now there somethin' ya don't see every day," remarked Cattie-Brie, "I wonder what the trouble is." Drizzt shook his head and continued to watch the scene. 

"Two men, one dwarf, and elf and four halflings, and it seems," the dark elf said, "That they are in great danger, perhaps we should help them?" Drizzt looked at his friends and grinned. 

"Ya durned elf! We can't abandon them to their deaths! Look at the crazed looks on the faces of their pursuers."

 Drizzt had seen that crazed look before, on the faces of the poor unfortunate creatures that the Crystal Shard, Crenshinibon, had possessed. He looked at his friends. The same realization had come across their faces as they started off in the direction of the fleeing company. Wulfgar threw back his head and screamed "Tempus!" as they approached the army of crazed women.

                                                **********

"How did we get into this mess?" Frodo panted as he and the remaining members of the Fellowship ran for their lives. The screams of the crazed women we drawing closer. All eyes turned to Gimli who grew red under the stares.

"Someone suggested that we go through the Mines of Moria," piped Pippin. Gimli visibly shook with anger. 

"I don't know who that was though," finished Merry. 

"Quiet! The lot of you, we need to save our breath to run!" said Aragon. _We have lost Gandalf, and now this!_ he thought to himself, _Where in Middle Earth are we?_ For all his years of wandering the wilds Aragorn could not tell where they were and neither could Legolas who, because of his fleet footedness, continued to run ahead and scout the terrain for the terrified Fellowship.

 "They have a blood crazed look about them," said Boromir, who was the nearest to the pursuing females, "I wonder what we have done to upset them?" 

Aragorn knew, he had seen it before, on the faces of men who had been taken by the One Ring. He glanced at Frodo, making certain that the hobbit was near the front of the line, farthest away from any danger. Legolas returned to Aragorn's side and told him that the terrain just over the rise could possibly offer cover if they could make it that far. Both of their thoughts were shattered by the explosive cry of "Tempus!" followed by a shift in the brush just in front of them.

                                                **********

The gigantic man grabbed Merry and Pippin around the waists with his massive hands and carefully threw them over his shoulders. 

"Careful little ones," the barbarian said with a broad grin, "hang on tight!" Merry and Pippin did so quickly as they as Wulfgar's long strides bore them quickly away from the approaching army of crazed women. Gimli crashed on, oblivious to the happenings in front of him. He met the King of Mithril Hall, face to face (literally). The two stunned dwarves rolled about the ground for a second before Aragorn and Drizzt helped their friends to their feet. 

The dark skinned elf said smiling, "Introductions can wait, let's get you out of here!" Aragorn smiled as their new found friend motioned them toward the waiting horses. Cattie-Brie had unslung Taulmaril and from her mount was showering the ground in front of the advancing women with silver arrows, blasting craters and slowing their progress. She smiled at the members of the Fellowship and helped Boromir mount up behind her.

 "Tha name's Cattie-Brie," she said as she loosed another volley, "Pleased ta meet ya." Boromir only could nod, winded from the run from their pursuers. Drizzt helped the rest of the company onto the mounts, Legolas riding with Gimli, Bruenor with Regis, Aragorn with Sam, and Frodo with himself, before signaling to Guenhwyvar. 

The black panther dropped from the tree she had been hiding in and sped for the ranks of the large army. She ran straight through them, scattering what little order they had somehow maintained, yet not inuring any. Neither the astral panther, Drizzt nor Aragorn knew what awesome force of nature they now faced.  Female hormones are frightening things, as the ill fated bishonen are about to find out. 

                                                **********

From the shadows a short distance away, another drow ran his hand over his bald head and replaced his plumed hat. Adjusting his eye patch (which was on his left eye today) he motioned to his companion, a dark haired human man, and smiled. 

"Come Entreri," Jarlaxle said, "Let's not let them get too far away, or this won't be profitable." 

_Gods forbid,_ thought the assassin as he brushed his hand over his well groomed goatee and then headed off behind the mercenary. _Gods forbid._

                                                **********

To Be Continued in: The Madness Takes Its Toll


	2. The Madness Takes Its Toll

The Madness Takes Its Toll: 

LOTR/FR Crossover: (Humor): The Continuing Misadventures of The Fellowship & Companions of the Hall (and others)

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters contained herein. I am not Tolkein nor am I R. A. Salvatore. I am on the other hand a rabid fan girl, and I can't help but harass everyone's favorite fantasy boys (I know they are not anime characters but what are they to be called if not bishonen?). (I will claim leadership for this psycho army!)

Scene: To start, some generic forest in the Silver Marches, but as the assorted company is currently hauling ass to attempt escape their pursuers, the scenery is going to be changing.

Cast: Drizzt Do'Urden (*drool*), Guenhwyvar, Bruenor, Cattie-Brie, Regis, Wulfgar, Legolas (*more drool*), Aragorn, Frodo, Sam, Merry, Pippin, and Gimli. (And others such as Jarlaxle (*Cardea's eyes have glazed over*), Artemis Entreri (*She now is on the floor, rather unconscious; mumbling something about jellybeans*), Dwahvel Tiggerwillies, Tarathiel & Innovindil, Dove Falconhand, Lady Alustriel, etc)

Warning: Contains a little bit of Boromir abuse. (I do not hate Boromir, so please don't think I do. I just needed a character to get smacked around a little, and he seems pretty sturdy.)

            When we last left our courageous company, they were running for their lives, through the forest in an attempt to out run their pursuers. The poor fools, they still have no idea what chases them. The frightened group crashed headlong through the forest, finally making it to the path that would take them in the direction of Nesmè, across the Rauvin, and into the Evermoors. Drizzt and Bruenor agreed that leading their pursuers into the moors would definitely slow down their chase.

            But by the time they crossed the Rauvin, the horses, which were used to carrying only one rider, were severely winded. Spit flecked their normally spotless hides, and sweat ran in rivulets down their flanks. Fortunately, their wild tear had put a good bit of distance between them and the massive army that had once been hot on their heels. The group took a few minutes to rest their beasts and themselves. Drizzt slid down off of his mount and helped Frodo down to the ground. 

The halfling was very pale, and his hair stuck to his head with sweat. 

"Are you certain that you are alright?" Drizzt asked him as he helped his small friend to sit in the shade of a large tree. 

Frodo smiled weakly at the drow, "Yes, I'm alright, I was just remembering another such ride that I shared with another elven friend of mine," Drizzt sat down cross legged and offered Frodo a water skin. The pale halfling shivered visibly, "At least this one ended better." 

(Note: reference to movie version. I know that Arwen doesn't take Frodo to Rivendell in the book, so don't tell me what I already know.) This previous line was read aloud and now the assorted company looks around quickly. Comments range from "What the Nine Hells was that?" to "There is some seriously weird shit going down here you guys." The rest of the company turns as one to look at the speaker of the last line. 

The Elven prince returned their glares and shrugged, "Just stating the obvious, sorry," he straightened his hair and turned back to his *ahem* scouting duties at the perimeter of the forest they had just exited.

Drizzt frowned, not knowing what to say to his new friend. He turned instead to see Wulfgar gingerly deposit Merry and Pippin next to Frodo. The two halflings were giggling, and Drizzt had to admit, he hadn't seen Wulfgar smile like that since they had slain the dragon, Icingdeath. 

"That was fun!" piped Merry. 

"Can we do it again?" added Pippin. Wulfgar slid to the ground next to Drizzt, 

"We will be running again soon," he said, "But for now, rest while you can."

Frodo passed the water skin to Merry and Pippin, who handed it to Wulfgar. The large man drained the last of its contents and rose to go fill it from the Rauvin. Drizzt smiled as Merry and Pippin got up and followed their new, very large friend to the river. Bruenor and Regis joined the pair sitting in the shade of the tree, and soon Regis and Frodo we engrossed in a conversation involving their families, and respective homes.

Bruenor sat down next to Drizzt and motioned for him to lean his ear down to hear the dwarf better. 

"What do you think?" as he motioned the assorted group that they had rescued. 

"They seem alright to me, I don't see anything that would make me think otherwise yet." He and Bruenor's eyes met as he lingered over the last word. Legolas and Gimli exited the forest where they had returned to do a little scouting with Aragorn, Sam, Boromir and Cattie-Brie.

Aragorn helped Sam down who immediately ran to Frodo's side and began talking with Regis. The three halflings were quickly engrossed in tales of the Shire. 

_What's a Shire? Isn't it a type of horse they have in Ruathym?_ Drizzt thought as Gimli, Legolas and Aragorn came and sat with the rest of the group in the shade of the tree. After a few strained moments, Bruenor struck up a conversation with Gimli detailing his many adventures with the dark elf. Drizzt smiled at Aragorn and Legolas who smiled back at him. 

"Thank you friend," Aragorn said, "We most certainly owe all of our lives to you and your Company." 

Drizzt shook his head, "We were only helping a fellow traveler who needed our assistance."

"I am pleased to make your acquaintance," the drow continued, "As promised earlier; I will introduce my friends to you now." 

Legolas and Aragorn nodded in agreement, "We shall introduce our friends to you as well," the fair haired elf said. 

"My name is Drizzt Do'Urden," the drow pointed to himself, "and this is Bruenor Battlehammer, the Eighth and Tenth King of Mithril Hall," Bruenor nodded and returned to his conversation with Gimli. 

"The halfling is Regis, and the tall man over by the Rauvin is Wulfgar," Aragorn nodded. "He is Bruenor's adopted son, and Cattie-Brie," who waved at Drizzt as she rode across the bridge, "is his adopted daughter." "This is Guenhwyvar," Drizzt said as the black panther trotted to his side. Legolas smiled at the sight of the great cat.

"My name is Aragorn, son of Arathorn, and this is my friend, Legolas Greenleaf, the prince of Mirkwood, the Woodland Realm." Drizzt grinned and shook hands with them both. 

"The red-bearded dwarf is Gimli, son of Gloin. The hobbits are Frodo, Sam, Merry and Pippin." 

"Hobbit? What's a hobbit?" asked Bruenor.

"Hobbits are also known as halflings or Shirefolk," clarified Legolas. 

"Halflings like Regis, then," conceded Bruenor who promptly returned to his conversation with Gimli concerning the wonders that could be found in Mithril Hall and The Mines of Moria. Drizzt smiled; it seemed the two dwarves had hit it off rather well.

"The other man is Boromir," said Aragorn as he pointed to Boromir and Cattie-Brie who were walking over toward Wulfgar and the two hobbits, "And we lost the last member of our company to a Balrog, a mighty fire demon, not long ago."

Drizzt nodded sadly, "Is this Balrog anything like a glabrezu or is it more like a balor?"

"Huh? What's that?" asked Gimli.

"Never mind," said Drizzt as he waved his hands, "There are more important things to attend to."

"Anyway, I am happy to have been able to help you all," the drow said. 

"I am glad that you and your company were able to help us also," agreed Aragorn, "For it is no ordinary force that we were being pursued by." Legolas and Aragorn shared the story of the rings of power with Drizzt who listened raptly. 

"I have had contact with a very similar item," the dark elf confessed, "Yet here it is called Crenshinibon, the Crystal Shard. Perhaps these two powerful items have drawn the other near to it, and brought you eight along for the ride." 

Legolas and Aragorn sat quietly, they could not dispute Drizzt's speculating, nor could they prove its truth. 

"We are all here because of someone else's plan, yet I fear to know who and more importantly, why," Drizzt continued. 

"But enough of this brooding," Drizzt said trying to lighten the mood, "Please tell me about your homes. Does the goddess Mielikki roam your forest, elven prince?" 

Legolas was just about to answer when the relative quiet was broken by the sound of an armored man crashing to the ground.

Glancing up from their conversations, the assembled company looked, as one to the cause of the noise. Boromir lay face down on the ground near Cattie-Brie and groaned. 

"Don't ya ever do that again," she screamed at the fallen man, "Or I'll be forced to take violent action." 

Drizzt rose to his feet and waked over to Cattie-Brie's side. "What's the matter?" he asked her carefully. Her eyes glittered dangerously as she answered the drow.

"This pig," she accented with a rough kick in Boromir's direction, "Decided he liked what he saw," she pointed to her shapely bosom. "So he figured he'd grab a handful, or two." 

Drizzt did his best to suppress a laugh, and pulled Cattie-Brie aside for a moment. She glared at Drizzt and as he whispered in her ear a devilish grin grew on her face. Aragorn looked questioningly at Legolas who only shrugged. He hated to see a beautiful woman shamed as well as the next man, er elf. _He deserves what ever is coming,_ Legolas stoically reminded himself as he turned away and closed his eyes.

"I don't know your customs," Cattie-Brie spat at Boromir, "But I don't want to know how women in your world are treated, if this is the thanks I receive for helping you." 

The man hung his head sadly and looked away. Cattie-Brie turned to follow Drizzt back to meet Legolas and Aragorn, and she would have let Boromir go on the warning alone. The poor stupid fool; as she turned he reached out and pinched her on the rear.

Faster than Legolas had ever seen anything move, Cattie-Brie spun on the man, gave him a vicious left cross, and drew a beautiful sword. Drizzt plowed into her and knocked her to the ground, with Cattie-Brie screaming dwarvish curses at the man. Gimli nodded in approval of the screamed insults. Had the drow not tackled her to the ground, Cattie-Brie would have used Khazid'hea to slice Boromir into ribbons.

***********

"I can see why the renegade likes that one," Jarlaxle said as he motioned towards Cattie-Brie as they watched her slug the strange man that had just laid his hand on her. Jarlaxle laughed as Drizzt grappled with the screaming woman. "She's volatile, beautiful in her own strange way, and deadly." The mercenary adjusted his feathered hat and continued, "She is very much like a drow female, only much tamer. Do'Urden is very fortunate." Artemis Entreri rolled his eyes in disgust although both he and Jarlaxle watched in amusement as Wulfgar tossed the man through the air, landing in a pile of brambles. "At least the brambles cushioned his fall," the mercenary remarked slyly. Entreri was tired of this game that they were playing, and he still had no idea what Jarlaxle had in mind when he ordered Kimmuriel to open a doorway to allow the army of crazed women to enter their world. "Think of the profits that Bregan D'aerthe stands to gain." Jarlaxle had argued. _Profit is all that this one cares for anymore._ The assassin sighed and fingered his emerald encrusted dagger and his sword. _Yet, all of the interesting action seems to center around Drizzt Do'Urden. What is it with that drow?_ The dark haired man shook his head. "Come, we must go and inform the trolls that they are about to enter the Evermoors so that they may slow them down." Entreri nodded at Jarlaxle and the two crept off into the shadows that would lead them to the tunnels that ran under the Evermoors.

                                                **********

"Let me up Drizzt! I'm gonna tear his throat out!" Cattie-Brie screamed and kicked in an attempt to throw the smaller drow off of her. Drizzt stubbornly held on, knowing if the auburn haired woman was able to get up she would let Khazid'hea have complete control. To be frank, Boromir would have to be spooned into the body bag to go back to Middle Earth.

Within few seconds Wulfgar's long strides carried him over to the startled man. He grasped Boromir roughly at the neck and easily hoisted him into the air high above his head. A slightly girly scream issued from the dangling victim. Before Drizzt could discourage him, Wulfgar launched Boromir into a copse of brambles. "It was for his own good," the large man commented as he nodded toward the squirming woman pinned beneath Drizzt. The battered fighter landed with a groan, and Drizzt had to concede that Wulfgar's throw had saved the stranger from a death at the end of Cattie-Brie's wicked blade, for now.

A chorus of groans issued from the Fellowship as they watched Boromir sail through the air into the brambles. The hobbits shook their heads sadly and Aragorn threw his hands in the air in exasperation. "What are we going to do with you Boromir?" he hissed at the man as he regained his feet and emerged from the tangle of brambles. "She wants the Ring!" the man of Gondor screamed hysterically, "When I touched her, I saw her thoughts! She will betray us all!" The dark haired ranger glared at his brother in arms and frowned. He stalked over to Boromir's side. "She will take the ring to Saur-oof!"

Boromir fell in an unconscious heap, and Aragorn cracked his knuckles and stretched his fingers. "My apologies, my brother; but had you not shut up you would have most certainly drawn our enemies to our side." When the ranger turned to go back to his comrades he was met with blank faced stares. Gimli, Bruenor and Wulfgar nodded their approval. "Durned fool!" cursed the dwarves.

The assorted company ate quickly and in silence. They gathered their horses and mounted up, with Bruenor riding with the unconscious steward. Legolas turned around to see the red bearded dwarf cursing at the sleeping man. A slight small crept across his lips, subtlety was not a dwarven strong point, but in his experiences being subtle was not very exciting. Perhaps they would fit in well in this new world they had been drawn into. "She'll betray us!" groaned an awaking Boromir behind him, followed by a familiar sound of dwarven gauntlets slamming into a certain Gondorian breastplate. The fair haired elf sighed, then again, perhaps not.

They made good time as they passed through the Evermoors, although they had to slowly make their way for the benefit of the horses. Drizzt dismounted and sent Guenhwyvar back to her astral home. "I will call you as soon as we need you," he promised the great cat. Legolas trotted across the mire to stand beside the drow. "You must tell me of this magic, dark cousin. In my home, we have nothing like your gift. My family would be most interested to learn of your cat." Drizzt shook his head. "I am sorry my friend, I cannot duplicate or part with my Guenhwyvar. She is my oldest and best friend." The fair elf shook his head, "I did not mean to sound as if I would take her back with me. I only want to take your story back to share with my people." Drizzt nodded, "Perhaps at a better time. It seems that the Trolls have finally noticed us."

"Get ready everyone! Here they come!" Bruenor and Gimli nearly fell over each other as the two red haired dwarves scrambled to be the first to meet the charging trolls. Cattie-Brie grinned at Legolas as she drew Taulmaril and plucked a silver arrow from her quiver. The elven prince returned her smile as he drew his own bow and sighted down the shaft of his green fletched arrow, aiming at a particularly large troll.  Both archers let fly. Wulfgar gingerly set down Merry and Pippin on the now vacant mounts, and turned heaving Aegis-Fang over his shoulder. Aragorn drew his sword and lifted it to his forehead in a challenge to the trolls. After making certain the hobbits were securely mounted on the sturdy horses, Drizzt quickly heaved Regis from behind Cattie-Brie to the vacant saddle in front of Boromir. 

"Watch over him Regis," the drow commanded as he slid his scimitars from their sheaths and brought them to bear before him. Drizzt was only allowed a quick glance at his friends before the trolls washed over them.

Cattie-Brie blasted three trolls into oblivion with Taulmaril's first shot, and continued firing arrows until the trolls closed in. In one fluid motion, she put away the magical bow and drew Khazid'hea. Quick slashes reduced the nearest monsters to quivering piles of flesh. Regis rode to her side and set the gory piles on fire with the torch that he had quickly lit. Cattie-Brie nodded at her small friend and smiled as he handed her another torch. A feral grin broke across Cattie-Brie's face; trolls hated fire.

Legolas watched the auburn haired woman carefully as she darted around her opponents slicing them with her sword and then setting them aflame. The archer lit his arrows and sent the flaming missiles into the eyes and throats of any trolls that came to near the woman. He was able to make several shots that caught fire as they passed through the torches that the hobbits carried with them as they rode swiftly around the grisly battle, exploding into the faces of the trolls that were unfortunately too close to the hobbits. 

                        **********

A short distance away on a high ridge in the middle of the Evermoors stood a trio of female elves. All three took in the sight before them with varying expressions. The tallest of the three brushed back an errant strand of dark hair and flashed a feral grin at her two companions. The fair haired surface elf adjusted her gear and nodded, "Are you ready Liriel?" she asked of the drow who stood next to her. "Yes," replied the female wizard of the house Baenre. "Thorn do you suggest that we attack in wolf form or do you think it would be better to show our opponents what they are dealing with?" The Moon Hunter stopped and studied her companions. "I think that Sharlarra should ride Moonstone into the battle and perhaps you should levitate above the battle; not many trolls like to be pitted against a drow; especially one that can throw fire." Sharlarra quickly called the elf-horse to her side and mounted up, "I'm ready when you are." Liriel checked her spell components as Thorn shifted into her wolf form. After stowing Thorn's gear, the drow, the surface elf and the lythari stalked out across the plain.

********************

A feral growl caused all locked in battle to turn their heads to see this newly approaching threat. Drizzt finished off the troll he faced with a flourish and turned to see a large silver wolf charging directly toward the halflings as they were busy setting troll corpses on fire. "Regis! Look out!" he cried as the silver wolf leaped into the air above the halfling. Regis turned around as the shadow of the silvery wolf fell over him. Thorn sailed over him and crashed headlong into a large troll that had thought the halflings to be distracted with his fallen comrades. A swiftly spinning dagger followed the wolf and buried itself in the throat of another approaching troll. Sharlarra followed her dagger closely with her sword in hand and her legs locked tightly about Moonstone. The elf-horse whinnied and charged through the battle where the trolls were thickest, trampling several of the dim-witted creatures before they decided to give the _teu-kelytha a wide berth. Drizzt sighed in relief to see that the newest members of the battle seemed to be on their side. He turned to see Legolas and Cattie-Brie on the ground together, fighting back to back.  The halflings were holding their own thanks to the silver wolf and the strange elven maiden. A short distance away Gimli and Bruenor were also paired off against a number of trolls. _Where in the Nine Hells are they coming from? It's like they are appearing out of mid-air. What is causing the trolls to be drawn to us?_ "They are drawn by the One Ring," answered Aragorn who suddenly appeared next to the drow, "We must finish them off quickly, or we will be buried alive under a pile of wiggling corpses." Drizzt nodded in agreement, and turned to help Aragorn dispatch another troll that had wandered too close to their flashing blades. The drow and Aragorn stepped back quickly as the fallen troll burst into flame._

                                    To Be Continued in Fangirls Gone Wild!!__


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